in the clouds.

dream. so i 'woke up' im guessing in my dream, and saw that my blankets were hovering like an inch above my body. then my bed rose up with me in it to the clouds. so that my bed was almost sitting on clouds. and in the clouds this crippled, hunched over old man told me his name was Solomon. he spoke in this tinny voice and said 'you hold me like a balloon, but youre not too small to carry this anvil.' then he snapped his fingers and i was back in my room. then i got out of bed and told my mom, but she wasnt home so that couldnt have happened. so like dream within a dream? then the dream repeated, except after saying the balloon/anvil thing the old man solomon said i should read his book. then he opened his mouth and visible words started pouring out of his mouth and into my hands. He wanted me to read them but they were pouring out too fast and all the words were overlapping so I wasn’t able to read them. Then I really did wake up. and i remember feeling like kind of startled and almost crying, but i just sat in bed really tired-ish and fell asleep again. then i woke up for good, got out of bed.

with
legs crossed at ankles,
hands folded across lap,
'G-d is good.'
'G-d is good.'

chirping bird caged beside you.
pet ghost behind you.
spoken words like whispers in hindsight.
prayer, the only prayer i know.
sun dried clothes hanging beside you.
raven sneaking off behind you.
tea poured like a slow dance.
prayer, the only prayer i know.
bloodshot uncle crazed beside you.
shotgun shell loaded behind you.
last muttering and st-st-stuttering.
prayer, the only prayer i know.
prayer. pray the only prayer you know.

why don't we drive on and on?
i don't care what road we take.
middle of nowhere is fine with me.
middle of nowhere is fine with me.

you sure look lovely.
take the wheel so i can keep my eyes on you and make sure not to blink.
if i stare long enough maybe your good looks will wear off on me.
we sit so close and i'm keeping time on your thigh.
hang a cross from the rear view mirror
and pray that i'm never back where i used to be.

let's go to another place.
how about out of this town?
middle of nowhere is fine with me.
middle of nowhere is fine with me.
------------------------------------
or maybe we're better driving in the garage.
exhuast and carbon monoxide fills the space between you and me.
breathe deeply our last breath.
your hand in mine.
blanket of smoke screen.

mason jar
chicken feed
little seeds in the air.
raking leaves
rocking chair
into the field you stare.

punching your fist into turquoise-blue wall
to the beat of the same ping pong ball.
swing away til your hand goes numb.
so numb, but do you feel more than i?
cupping that crazy head of yours in trembling hands.
shoes shuffle past giving you not a glance
except for swerving cars while in the street you wildly dance.
trapped in your mind, but are you more free than i?

Let your heart speak to mine
And in time the valves will open wide
In the place between my ribs and spine.

If theres a place I want to be, it’s with you.
And my dreams, behind my eyes, are finally truth.
On shooting stars, my wishes keep coming true.

You dream and watch the frames infinite eyes filled with life.
But you see we are one in the same, watching my brain fall out my ears, as you pick up the pieces and shuffle them away.
Eyelids like rusty hinges awaken. Listen and behold the spectacle. Witness the miracle. And wait for the smile to break your teeth.
Feeding off static and limitless dynamos.
So dream with sheets waving as a banner soprano.

I feel so prostrate now, without you around.
And I’m struggling with my throat to make these feelings sound.
I’m remembering your smell and bringing you to life.
It’s morning outside, but to me it looks like night.
I can’t look at your lips without wondering how they taste.
And every time I kiss you I am still taken by surprise like being shaken awake.
I know every part of your face ‘cause I watch it when you talk.
I know the swing of your arms ‘cause I watch them when you walk.
I never expected this and couldn’t have guessed it from the start,
But you have stolen away every part of my wary heart.

I thank the Lord God Almighty
That all my mistakes and flops are not what define me.
I am screwed up and beat down.
Attempt to smile but I can muster only a frown.
He’s seen it all…
Every one of my fake acts.
Every scarlet red stab in the back.
Every solemn blip in His heart attack.

Dialogues repeat much like the spokes on a rim
Biting and nipping at my heels like dogs with teeth.
Take these walls out of this building.
Deconstruct it down to the framework.
Deconstruct me down to the very bone.
Repent. Repent. Repair.Repair.
This should not be all that I am.
These walls are just deception.
Tear them down. Tear them down.

You have injected all your venom into me.
Advancing into my veins, down to my very feet.
My body went numb.
As I dropped down to my knees.
You have become my personal favorite disease.
Help me. I’m infected.
Purge you out of me.

The grasses are alive, their blades lifted high as knives.
Hello Hollow Stranger, scarecrow packed with roses.
I watched him as he came to life and walked by.
Nailed to his wooden tree, he’s been watching me.
He’s been studying my moves.
Why won’t it rain?
I need the water.
The fields and flowers die faster than I.
And that’s when he’s here. That’s when he comes alive.
Where is my gardener?
Where is my gardener?
Water the ground. Till the earth. Put him to rest.
Put him to rest, back on his wooden tree.
Put him to rest before he gets me.

Not one critter goes by without confusion or regret.
Slips by swiftly like the sneakiest fox I ever met.
Gathering grasses and pieces of cloth for her nest,
She watched as the leaves twirled, waiting for the day to pass.
Watched it pass not minute by minute, but scare by scare.
And on her red back you could see the hair,
All stiff and on edge just crinkled enough to match her snarled snout.
Oh, what a life of solidarity and doubt.
Would it not be wiser to make your nest in the gypsies den?
Where all your thoughts would be how and not when.
You wanna be safe, lady fox?
You wanna live a life of certainty?
Well I’ve got bad news for you, miss.
You happen to be the wrong breed, you see?

Who has called me daughter? Who has called me son?
Who has wrapped me in blankets? Who has drawn me home?
If there’s anything to say, if there’s anything that’s true.
If there’s anything to do, I would do it for you.
I was dipped in kerosene, I was dipped in wine.
If you had your way with me would you take your time?
Even if I went away, even if I return.
Is there something left to give but all that I yearn?
Like a mother to her child, like a father spinning me wild.
Like a path overgrown I’ll be coming back home.
Who has called me precious? Who has called me child?
Who has called me beautiful? Who has called me kind?
If you have a father or if you haven’t one.
I will be there for you, you are never alone.
I’ll be anything for you, I’ll do anything for you.
I’ll be everything for you, I did everything for you.
I did everything. Everything for you.

Like a bladeless knife,
Where does it go?
It just won’t stick,
No matter how hard you throw.
And there comes a point in every fight,
Where giving up is the only way to save your life.

I don’t want to feel
Because the feelings burn so hot within.
It drips like kerosene
Deep into my lungs and onto my skin.
Why can’t I feel?
Because the pain inside becomes all too real.
My heart and mind are made up
And there’s no point in trying to hide it.
Too much to cop to, too much to admit.
I’ll go up to the rooftop near the broken glass.
In the pouring rain I’ll be the fool who asks,
‘Why am I hiding what’s inside me?’
‘Why am I hiding what’s inside me?’
I’ve got this purplish black eye.
And as you pack up and say goodbye
You kiss it, even though I caught it from you.
Reminding me that what’s hidden is still true.

What can I compare you to?
Hearing the best of news,
Maybe the big deep blue we call sea.
It’s strange how I draw from you
Looking up for a better view
So I’ll dance along in your parade.
My body won’t stay warm
Unless I’m lying in your arms.
Everything that I said I’d do
Fades away and it’s all about you.
I watch the clouds form around the window sill
All the sky is moving but you’re standing still.
Take away my facade, my eyes.
Fill me up with you on the inside.
I am willful but resistant.
You call me, always insistent.